Innocence and Instinct

After their debut album "End of Silence", Red came out with a new album, that I only recently listened to, called "Innocence and Instinct". At the same time I also discovered that they are a Christian band (I didn't look into their autobiography, just their music). You wouldn't be able to tell just by listening to their music because it doesn't have that preachy undertone and their lyrics could easily be sung about a lover or friend, not God (even though it is). The lyrics don't preach because these songs are mainly about their struggles and confusion in the real world and only subtly, their relationship with God. As a Christian (which I am not), to realize that these songs are related to God, does give it another, perhaps more spiritual meaning. For me they were just beautiful.

Like their last album, the melodies were mesmerizing (I do have a soft spot for piano and strings), which they used really well to give their harder, edgier songs a more ethereal feel. If melody is the form and lyrics the soul, Innocence and Instinct definitely maintained that form, but unlike their last album, has more soul. They also do a wonderful cover of Duran Duran's Ordinary World, which complements the overall theme of the album. Some of my favourites on this album:

Death of me
Mystery of you
Never be the same
Shadows
Take it all away

Another great album and I recommend it whether you're Christian/Religious or not.

Leona Lewis: Yesterday

Another song that I'm totally feeling...

"Yesterday"

I just can't believe you're gone
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side (ooh yeah)

When we had so much in store
Tell me what is it i'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

Chorus:
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know (no no)
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away (oh oh), but they can never have yesterday

You always used to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes (but I never believed them 'til now)
I know i'll see you again i'm sure
No, it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night, one more day
One more smile on you face
But they can't take yesterday

Chorus:

I thought our days would last forever (but it wasn't our destiny)
'Cause in my mind, we had so much time
But i was so wrong
Now I can, believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

Leona Lewis: Better in Time

I'm totally feeling this song at the moment...*sigh*

"Better In Time"
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you goSo I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]

Strangers to Strangers

It's weird how you go from being strangers to being friends to being more than friends to being practically strangers again...and it all happens so fast.

Love is like Heaven...but hurts like Hell.

Book Review: Captivating

Title: Captivating
Author: John and Stasi Eldredge

This book is about unveiling the mystery of a woman's Christian soul.

I can't say that this was one of the best books that I've read. I can't even say that this book was a good read period. So first off, I don't recommend this book - whether you are Christian or not. Except maybe if you were beaten, raped or have really low self-confidence, then maybe (and that's a big maybe), this book might help.

Immediately, the book turned me off with ... "Every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty." [page 8]. EVERY woman huh? This sentence is either too specific (and thus wrong) or too general (and thus worthless) - it can't be both, take your pick. What then continued to chagrin me is the continual referral to movies and fiction in order to prove "real" (non-fictitious) points. Talk about credibility.

It's not that I can't sympathize with the hardships that she's been through, and most of the book is based on women and their struggles and hardships...divorce, rape, relationship stress with family etc. She was very brave to share all that with her readers. I'm glad she was able to get over them, but if that's the basis of forming a relationship with god, then no thanks. However, much to my dismay, along the next several chapters, I came upon the following that really disturbed me.

"God says he will thwart our efforts to find life apart from him -- Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way; She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them [Hos. 2:6-7]. He does this, as we said, in order to wear us out, get us to turn back to him in thirsty longing." [page 121]

God puts obstacles to wear us out...and when we have no where else to turn to, we pretty much have to turn to him - love him. Does that sound wrong or is it just me? That's like some psychopath who is in love with you (but not you with him); he kidnaps you, locks you up and breaks you down mentally to the point that in order to make it all stop, you fall in love with him beacause that is what he wants, because then the pain will stop. Scary. The authors also mentioned that god wants us to have a heart at rest (thus it is more inviting) and to have heart at rest, one must release fear. Well...taken from that passage above, fear is what drives one to love him is it not? Or is it desperation? Who is not fearful of being desperate though?

Moving on. What I can't stand is the generalization "most women" or "most of us"...I'm sorry, but until you've personally communicated with the 3+ billion women around the world, or even just half of the Christian women in this world, don't use that generalization. It makes one sound self centred at best and ignorant at worst.

I'm still trying to finish the book so I may add more critique, so go ahead and read it after what I've said...if you want :)

C

Life at Corporate

Sometimes I wonder ... did I really go to school to do THIS?! Seriously. Mapping out business process flows, designing business flows, using squares, diamonds and lines to communicate. What world did I plop myself into?

A relationship is like a dance

Watching Dancing with the Stars...there are just so many types of dance that demands a certain...feeling or emotion. The Passo Doble is supposed to exhibit passionate aggression through the forms of the bull and the matador. The Viennese Waltz is elegant, a dance that a king and queen would dance too - kind of a like hidden passion that yearns to be free. The Jive is upbeat, young and perhaps best exhibits puppy love. There's also the Cha Cha, Salsa - both very flirtatious and seductive dances. The Tango, for me, defines how love is - being in the moment. Then there's the Fox Trot, Rumba and Mambo, which are...hmmm...special moments in a relationship?

The most important thing is though, it doesn't matter how good of a dancer you are unless you have the right partner - that goes for partners in a relationship too. You have to be able to act together in unity as well as one when necessary. It's not easy I tell you!

Fear of Commitment from Wikipedia

Fear of commitment in much popular literature refers to avoidance of long-term partnership and/or marriage but the problem is often much more pervasive, affecting school, work, and home life as well.

The term commitmentphobia was coined in the popular self-help book Men Who Can't Love in 1987. Following criticism of the perceived sexist idea that only men were commitmentphobic, the authors provided a more gender balanced model of commitmentphobia in a later work, He's Scared, She's Scared.

Commitmentphobia is often most strongly apparent in romantic life. Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married, yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain longlasting connections. Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitmentphobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for a frightening reality leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating.

The key to understanding commitmentphobia is recognizing that such behavior is rooted in fear -- fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitmentphobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape. Commitmentphobia is a real disabling fear, that can be manifest in many areas of life, including career, home ownership, or even shoe shopping. This fear can make simple every day decisions into a tremendous burden.

To assuage their anxieties, many commitmentphobics become fantasy-driven, using their active imaginations to fill in for the lack of emotional security and closeness in their lives. Of course, these fantasies pose additional problems because no potential partner, car, or job can ever live up to the fantasy. Commitmentphobics are also prone to self-destructive behavior, such as walking out on partners or jobs without notice, leaving themselves and the people in their lives in untenable situations.

One potentially misleading aspect of commitmentphobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is not the only one with a problem. In fact, commitmentphobic behavior includes "settling" for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationship mergers as well as fleeing from what might have appeared to be a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitmentphobic.

Authors Carter and Sokol handle this circumstance by describing "active" commitmentphobia, which is most strongly characterized by running away from relationships, and "passive" commitmentphobia, which is most strongly characterized by longsuffering devotion to an active partner who is running away, longing for a partner who has run away, and fantasy reconciliation scenarios.

South for the Holidays

Good news, I am going south for the holidays. Bad news, south of Minneapolis includes Toronto and that's where I'm going. Sad isn't it?

The Case for Christ

In general, this was a well written book. He does build a strong case for Christ with his arguments and evidence, using 'typical' law rules to prove his case. Eye Witness, Historical Evidence, Expert Testimony and so on. He makes references in the bible to test consistency of the writings and events. All in all, it's not something scholars have never thought of - Lee Strobel verbalized it well.

There are however, 'holes' to his logic if you will.

1. No expert testimony from the opposing view. To get a holistic picture and to present a well balanced case, seeing as this is one of his 'key' premises to proving the case for Christ.

2. He makes a case for the authenticity of the document against the Illiad. If the Illiad is inaccurate from the beginning and has x number of versions, it doesn't matter how many translations it's been through, or version control or whatever, it is still inaccurate. Making a comparison to this book does not increase the bible's authenticity. He quotes the nature and stature of those who kept those records as time goes by and the strictness of versioning. Well, if the 'original' was wrong to begin with, it doesn't matter how strict the Church maintains its versioning control, you're maintaining strict control of inaccuracy.

Those were my biggest objections to his logic. All in all, it was a well written book and I do recommend it.

Eat, Pray, Love.

So text books notwithstanding, it has rarely taken me so long to read a book. The book just never did generate enough excitement for me. It was slow. It was repeatitive.

The book was about the author's journey to self discovery - after a horrendous divorce and not knowing/feeling what she wanted. She made these self discoveries in the midst of her personal struggles in three place: Italy, India and Indonesia,which respectively corresponds to Eat, Pray, Love. Trying to let go of the pain of her past through an eating and traveling adventure in Italy and learning about what her "word" is (intraversero - or something - that means crossing over). Trying to find god in India through prayers and meditation with her guru, while in the meantime realizing her strengths and weaknesses and making them work. And finally, trying to find balance in her life by visiting an old Medicine Man in Indonesia (where balance is central to life on the island), in which, yes, you've guessed it, she's eventually found love on her terms as well as his.

The first chapter did a fairly good job of setting the scene: she's crying on the floor of her bathroom after realizing that she no longer wants to be married. I'm sure many women have had that thought crossed their minds many times at one or more times in their lives (and men of course). But it all went downhill from there. She just came off as whiny most of the time and perhaps that indicates my tolerance level for women crying about how tough life is. Granted, she did acknowledge that in the whole grand scheme of things, she probably doesn't have it all that bad.

The book would have been a more enjoyable read had the chapters been condensed to half of what it is. It just dragged on for too much. That or the book needs to be written in a way that can sustain attention and empathy from its readers.

God and I

Well...as you might have noticed. I've stopped reading the Bible. Yes...it was kind of tough to go through it so I took a break. I did however, went to Church several times. I decided not to today. I just didn't feel like it. I don't feel anything really. Well, maybe exhaustion. Going to Church is kind of exhasuting sometimes. Especially when the majority of the time I just don't agree with what the Church is preaching about. Recently it's been about sin. It's weird hearing my 'name' being preached in Church and associating it with something evil. I did however enjoy the last service -

I like to use the grocery store analogy. When I go grocery shopping, I don't like everything that they carry, so I just pick and choose what I like and buy it. Sometimes though, maybe I'll try something new and end up liking it, even though I may not think so in the first place. I kind of see that metaphor with Christianity. I pick and choose what I like, and maybe someday I'll end up liking and accepting other parts of its beliefs. However, there are certain foods that I KNOW I don't like (like Avocado), and the same goes for with some Christianity beliefs (i.e. homosexuality is a sin). I think that's what I have the most trouble wrapping my mind around.

So I am taking a break. Besides, I've been buying a lot of new stuff and really haven't had the chance to 'eat' it yet.

CH

My Encounter with Religion

"Whatever your plans or objectives may be, they'll be a butt for serious obstacles; don't get discouraged for that. Don't wrap yourself up, knowing that your relationships with your equals will improve your spirit and your heart. Don't wait for happiness to come to you, go out and seek it by enjoying each moment of your life. You'd be willing to follow a newly met person to the end of the world; nevertheless take time to reflect before engaging yourself; love is blind, as is said everywhere and forever."

So that was my hororscope for the day. Moving on now.

So I, who believe in Evolution, went to (an Evangelical) church for the first time. Now, it's not that I'm becoming more religious (like some of my friends) or that I'm feeling lost/confused (or whatever) and need "answers." Nothing deep like that - fortunately I am quite content with my life at the moment. I may be looking for something (aren't we all?) but it's probably not god. However, this religious encounter has made me revisit the idea of how we all came to be. Tough question. There is no definitive answer. Regardless of what we each believe in - Evolution or Religion - both requires an element of FAITH, which is commonly associated with Religion. Lets face it, evolution wouldn't be called the THEORY of Evolution if it was cut and dry.

Now, anti-religious people knock on the bible, saying that it is "sexist" (towards women), that war and violence are "justified" by the bible and it's teachings etc (there are many so called "flaws"). If god existed, then why does he allow this and that and what is up with this free will that's not really free? Now, this is not to say evolution isn't flawed...how many decades have we been talking about the "Missing Link"? The link that "proves" that humans evolve from apes/monkeys? If evolution is in fact based on Darwinism - survival of the fittest, only the strong survive - then Hitler and Stalin wanting to weed the world of the "inferior race" is in fact practicing evolution. Scary thought isn't it? We "practice" survival of the fittest every day in our lives. As much as Religion causes war, so does Evolution.

So where does this leave me? Well. I have recently purchased a bible (New International Version) - this is not saying I'm becoming Christian or religious. I see it as a learning experience. I don't think I can ever accept that the Earth was only 5 days old before man "appeared on Earth" (I do believe in Carbon Dating), that we existed with dinosaurs, that good men and women will go to hell if they didn't believe in god and bad men and women can go to heaven if they repent. Of course, the caveat is that it's all subject to interpretation.

If there is a god...and if all non-believers go to hell...then I guess I'll be going to hell with a lot of my family and friends.

If there isn't a god...then...we are just part of the circle of life. Then there's the fact that I do believe in the spiritual realm...that there is a higher order of things...so where does that fit in? Is it related to god?...who knows.

If you think about it...believing that there is a god, in religion...is kind of like buying life insurance (or any type of insurance really). You'll be protected - and you have to admit, it's a nice comforting thought. All you have to do is change the way you live...

My first visit to the doc's in the US

Blows. I have been sitting here for almost an hour now (absolutely rediculous!!!) while other patients are being called. Apparently this doctor has been delayed. How can you be delayed when (as I was told) his schedule was wide open?! Seriously. I'm in pain :( I think I just might die.

Freaky Horoscope!

"Risks of inflammations, transitory fevers and above all rather painful raging toothache."

Wow...I am just recovering from a fever and I had a dream about breaking my tooth last night!! Freaky. Maybe there's more to this horoscope thing!

4 in a row...booyyaaahhh

Although our Canadian teams can't seem to nail the elusive Stanley Cup, the WORLD is ours!!

2007 World Juniors Champions...3-2 OT over Sweden =)

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone...

I guess what keeps things "fresh" in a relationship is finding out new things about each other - not with respect to what is "good or bad" or "right or wrong" ... just...perspective/values/beliefs. And at the end...if it works it works, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. Like my friend says...what you gonna do?

I Know

I know loneliness
Loneliness of the imprisoned
I know fear
Fear of losing oneself
I know joy
Joy of being rescued by a friend

I know
So don't think I don't
I know
So don't think I won't

I know pain
Pain of the broken hearted
I know love
Love of the forbidden
I know happiness
Happiness of the innocent

Your mission, should you decide to accept it

Mission: Hard to Believe
Level: Difficult

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to escape The Village in the middle of the night, undetected with all your belongings. Then drive off into the night with the music blasting out of the Ford Focus. Observed obstacles: drunk sleeping person on the living room floor, unpacked luggage, randomly scattered items, loud creaking doors and dark lighting. Available resources: BlackBerry.

Turning on the lights was not an option. So of course I had to rely on my handy BB to show me the way. Believe me, it was not easy finding and packing everything (I forgot the toothbrush and took the wrong headset). I wasn't sure that I would be able to pull it off successfully. But I did. A new skill to put on the resume. I even straightened my hair before I left at 5am.

Cosmic Coincidence

Unbelievable, the weather here is fine, the weather in Dallas is fine, yet somehow my flight has been delayed. Again. I'm sure it has to do with all the delays in the East Coast.

Strangest thing though. I bumped into an old acquaintance at the airport. Here I was standing in the middle of the terminal trying to figure out where concourse E is and I guess the brief moment of confusion allowed the person the chance to catch grab my arm. And here I was wondering who the heck it could be. The thing is, we never really hung out or really had a lot to talk about...but here we are, at the Minneapolis airport swapping numbers...he'll be in MN every week for about a year...same as me. Wow. I'm still kind of shocked.

A broken heart...that's still beating

Love the new Lifehouse album - Who We Are. Will be seeing them on tour at First Avenue in Minneapolis, can't wait!! Here's one of my favourite songs from the Album...

Lifehouse - Broken

The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

Chorus:
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

Repeat Chorus

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

Repeat Chorus

Storm is great too!