Innocence and Instinct

After their debut album "End of Silence", Red came out with a new album, that I only recently listened to, called "Innocence and Instinct". At the same time I also discovered that they are a Christian band (I didn't look into their autobiography, just their music). You wouldn't be able to tell just by listening to their music because it doesn't have that preachy undertone and their lyrics could easily be sung about a lover or friend, not God (even though it is). The lyrics don't preach because these songs are mainly about their struggles and confusion in the real world and only subtly, their relationship with God. As a Christian (which I am not), to realize that these songs are related to God, does give it another, perhaps more spiritual meaning. For me they were just beautiful.

Like their last album, the melodies were mesmerizing (I do have a soft spot for piano and strings), which they used really well to give their harder, edgier songs a more ethereal feel. If melody is the form and lyrics the soul, Innocence and Instinct definitely maintained that form, but unlike their last album, has more soul. They also do a wonderful cover of Duran Duran's Ordinary World, which complements the overall theme of the album. Some of my favourites on this album:

Death of me
Mystery of you
Never be the same
Shadows
Take it all away

Another great album and I recommend it whether you're Christian/Religious or not.

Leona Lewis: Yesterday

Another song that I'm totally feeling...

"Yesterday"

I just can't believe you're gone
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side (ooh yeah)

When we had so much in store
Tell me what is it i'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

Chorus:
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know (no no)
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away (oh oh), but they can never have yesterday

You always used to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes (but I never believed them 'til now)
I know i'll see you again i'm sure
No, it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night, one more day
One more smile on you face
But they can't take yesterday

Chorus:

I thought our days would last forever (but it wasn't our destiny)
'Cause in my mind, we had so much time
But i was so wrong
Now I can, believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

Leona Lewis: Better in Time

I'm totally feeling this song at the moment...*sigh*

"Better In Time"
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you goSo I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]

Strangers to Strangers

It's weird how you go from being strangers to being friends to being more than friends to being practically strangers again...and it all happens so fast.

Love is like Heaven...but hurts like Hell.

Book Review: Captivating

Title: Captivating
Author: John and Stasi Eldredge

This book is about unveiling the mystery of a woman's Christian soul.

I can't say that this was one of the best books that I've read. I can't even say that this book was a good read period. So first off, I don't recommend this book - whether you are Christian or not. Except maybe if you were beaten, raped or have really low self-confidence, then maybe (and that's a big maybe), this book might help.

Immediately, the book turned me off with ... "Every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty." [page 8]. EVERY woman huh? This sentence is either too specific (and thus wrong) or too general (and thus worthless) - it can't be both, take your pick. What then continued to chagrin me is the continual referral to movies and fiction in order to prove "real" (non-fictitious) points. Talk about credibility.

It's not that I can't sympathize with the hardships that she's been through, and most of the book is based on women and their struggles and hardships...divorce, rape, relationship stress with family etc. She was very brave to share all that with her readers. I'm glad she was able to get over them, but if that's the basis of forming a relationship with god, then no thanks. However, much to my dismay, along the next several chapters, I came upon the following that really disturbed me.

"God says he will thwart our efforts to find life apart from him -- Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way; She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them [Hos. 2:6-7]. He does this, as we said, in order to wear us out, get us to turn back to him in thirsty longing." [page 121]

God puts obstacles to wear us out...and when we have no where else to turn to, we pretty much have to turn to him - love him. Does that sound wrong or is it just me? That's like some psychopath who is in love with you (but not you with him); he kidnaps you, locks you up and breaks you down mentally to the point that in order to make it all stop, you fall in love with him beacause that is what he wants, because then the pain will stop. Scary. The authors also mentioned that god wants us to have a heart at rest (thus it is more inviting) and to have heart at rest, one must release fear. Well...taken from that passage above, fear is what drives one to love him is it not? Or is it desperation? Who is not fearful of being desperate though?

Moving on. What I can't stand is the generalization "most women" or "most of us"...I'm sorry, but until you've personally communicated with the 3+ billion women around the world, or even just half of the Christian women in this world, don't use that generalization. It makes one sound self centred at best and ignorant at worst.

I'm still trying to finish the book so I may add more critique, so go ahead and read it after what I've said...if you want :)

C

Life at Corporate

Sometimes I wonder ... did I really go to school to do THIS?! Seriously. Mapping out business process flows, designing business flows, using squares, diamonds and lines to communicate. What world did I plop myself into?

A relationship is like a dance

Watching Dancing with the Stars...there are just so many types of dance that demands a certain...feeling or emotion. The Passo Doble is supposed to exhibit passionate aggression through the forms of the bull and the matador. The Viennese Waltz is elegant, a dance that a king and queen would dance too - kind of a like hidden passion that yearns to be free. The Jive is upbeat, young and perhaps best exhibits puppy love. There's also the Cha Cha, Salsa - both very flirtatious and seductive dances. The Tango, for me, defines how love is - being in the moment. Then there's the Fox Trot, Rumba and Mambo, which are...hmmm...special moments in a relationship?

The most important thing is though, it doesn't matter how good of a dancer you are unless you have the right partner - that goes for partners in a relationship too. You have to be able to act together in unity as well as one when necessary. It's not easy I tell you!

Fear of Commitment from Wikipedia

Fear of commitment in much popular literature refers to avoidance of long-term partnership and/or marriage but the problem is often much more pervasive, affecting school, work, and home life as well.

The term commitmentphobia was coined in the popular self-help book Men Who Can't Love in 1987. Following criticism of the perceived sexist idea that only men were commitmentphobic, the authors provided a more gender balanced model of commitmentphobia in a later work, He's Scared, She's Scared.

Commitmentphobia is often most strongly apparent in romantic life. Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married, yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain longlasting connections. Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitmentphobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for a frightening reality leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating.

The key to understanding commitmentphobia is recognizing that such behavior is rooted in fear -- fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitmentphobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape. Commitmentphobia is a real disabling fear, that can be manifest in many areas of life, including career, home ownership, or even shoe shopping. This fear can make simple every day decisions into a tremendous burden.

To assuage their anxieties, many commitmentphobics become fantasy-driven, using their active imaginations to fill in for the lack of emotional security and closeness in their lives. Of course, these fantasies pose additional problems because no potential partner, car, or job can ever live up to the fantasy. Commitmentphobics are also prone to self-destructive behavior, such as walking out on partners or jobs without notice, leaving themselves and the people in their lives in untenable situations.

One potentially misleading aspect of commitmentphobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is not the only one with a problem. In fact, commitmentphobic behavior includes "settling" for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationship mergers as well as fleeing from what might have appeared to be a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitmentphobic.

Authors Carter and Sokol handle this circumstance by describing "active" commitmentphobia, which is most strongly characterized by running away from relationships, and "passive" commitmentphobia, which is most strongly characterized by longsuffering devotion to an active partner who is running away, longing for a partner who has run away, and fantasy reconciliation scenarios.